Teenagers (age 16-18 years)
Here’s where you get fired as the boss. If you've done a good enough job you get rehired as a trusted friend and advisor. If you continue to do a good job, your teen may well even take your advice.
It's
appropriate for your teen to want to make her own decisions now, and to
think for herself. And yet teens are still developing, and have widely
varying levels of maturity. It can be a scary time for parents,
especially those who don't yet trust their teen's judgment.
The most effective parenting strategy with teens is to focus on the relationship. Punishments just drive your teen away and make it less likely that you'll have the information about what's going on in his life that you need to be a good parent. The only leverage you really have with your teen is love.
It's appropriate for teens to be oriented more to their peers than their parents now, but kids who are well grounded in their families will respond well to parents' efforts to stay connected. And parents who have bonded adequately with their children at each earlier stage will feel invested enough in their teens to stay connected, even if a lot of effort is required.
Staying Connected with Your Teen
Much of the same advice applies that was true when he was a toddler: Reconnect every day, and don't wait when you see there's repair work to be done. If we've accepted our child's dependency needs AND affirmed her development into her own separate person, she'll stay fiercely connected to us even as her focus shifts to peers, high school and the passions that make her soul sing.
Talking: Have the tough conversations
50 questions to ask your Teen. How to get your teen to talk with you. How to become a brilliant listener. And more.
Dinner: Keep Your Teen Part of the Family
The more frequently teens eat dinner with their families the better they do in school, the happier they say they are, and the less likely they are to get involved with drugs, alcohol, sex, or vandalism. Don't expect your teen to open up a lot at the dinner table, but use it as a foundation for those late-night talks.
Q & A: Letters and Answers about Teens
Have a question about parenting your teen? Questions from readers, with wise and practical solutions from Dr. Laura Markham to the worst problems your teenager can dish out!
