Parenting Blog

"Do you run through each day on the fly?  When you ask "How are you?" do you hear the reply?
When the day is done do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?
You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow"  and in your haste, not see his sorrow?
When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there
When you worry and hurry through your day, it’s like an unopened gift...Thrown away.
Life is not a race.  Do take it slower.
Hear the music
Before the song is over."
-- Dr. David L. Weatherford

Most people with grown children say they wish they'd been closer to their kids.  Most parents of teens say they wish they'd had more "important" conversations with their kids when they were younger and more willing to listen to their parents' views.

It's never too late to repair and rejuvenate your relationship with your child.  And it's never too early to start building the kind of relationship with your child that you'll both treasure for the rest of your lives.

How?

1. Place a premium on relationships in your family.  Make it an inviolate rule to turn off your cell phone when you're with your kids.  I promise the world will not fall apart and you can check your messages later.  Have dinner at the table where you can talk with each other rather than in front of the TV.  Make Friday night into Family Game night and have fun together instead of sitting in a darkened living room or movie theater watching a screen.

2. Every child needs "connection time" with each parent, each and every day.  With toddlers, connection time is floortime, when you get down on the floor with them, in their space and in sync with their energy level, and connect in their world, whether it's building a train track or playing pretend.  When they're ten, connection time will probably take the form of snuggling with them at bedtime while you chat about their day at school or their favorite song.  The point is to give each child at least fifteen minutes of unstructured, non-directive time to connect physically and share what's on their mind, every single day. (Those nice things you do with them like bake cookies or help with homework are structured time, so they're great but don't count toward connection time.)

3. Remember the 5 to 1 ratio.  Try as we might, all of us sometimes have less than optimal interactions with our children. Research shows that each interaction that leaves anyone feeling bad requires five positive interactions to restore a positive valence to the relationship. These can be little – a warm smile or a pat on the shoulder – as long as you make sure they have a positive impact.