Resiliency
Why is resilience a critical quality to develop in your child? Because a resilient child will become a happy adult. Resiliency is the ability to rise above adversity. Overcoming
the challenges with which the world inevitably blocks our way.
Making
lemonade from lemons, if necessary, and making the most of ourselves
and the life we are given. Using the hardships of life as lessons from
which to learn about ourselves, and to grow.
All children face
adversity of some sort in their journey to adulthood, so resiliency is
a prerequisite for healthy growth. By helping your children to develop
resiliency, you vaccinate them against future difficulties.
Is
there a recipe for resiliency? We know that many traits that contribute
to resiliency are at least partially inherited. Children who are by
nature more adaptable, more outgoing, and more emotionally even keeled
have a head-start in developing resilience.
But resiliency is
also a product of early experience, such as positive interactions with
adults that assure the child that the world is a friendly place that
welcomes and assists them. And of course, regardless of your child's
genetic make-up, what our children really experience is always the
interaction between genetics and environment.
For instance,
babies and children who are physically more attractive seem to garner
more positive attention from adults, which helps them to expect and to
create more positive interactions later.
While that example may
be somewhat disheartening, parents can often use this nature-nurture
interaction to help shape their children's inherited tendencies. One
striking study suggested that shy children who receive excellent
parenting are able to use their heightened sensitivity to others to
become leaders, while shy children who are poorly parented may find
that their shyness becomes insecurity which plagues them throughout
their lives. Genetic make-up may be critical, but only when combined
with environment is it destiny.
Resiliency is actually a
constellation of traits that work together. Self esteem, perseverance ,
optimism, competence, responsibility, and self-management (resilient
children minimize the blocks they put in their own way, so they can
focus on overcoming obstacles from outside) are arguably the most
important. Each of these traits has its own section on this site.
